end of days

Last day in the studio this year, and what a year. I finished my friend D A Adams' new novel last night, to my mind his most mature work yet. A line jumped off the page while reading it, and while I know he didn't pen the sentiment I'll give him credit for putting the thought in front of me like a roadmap, "luck is opportunity meeting preparation." There you have it.

One thing I've learned through the years is you have to be prepared when those opportunities present themselves. The word "yes" is one of the most powerful in the universe, but to say yes, you have to be ready. High quality of images of latest work? Yes. Do you have a card? Yes. Do you want to collaborate? Yes. The studio discipline cannot be overstated, but without the ability to get what is in the studio into the hands of those who ask for it, however offhandedly, it is little more than a monastic life for one's own pleasure. It doesn't become art until people see it.

I was able to work on some more studies today and the large painting is dry enough for a second coat of mars black. I'm ambivalent about the studies today; there are moments to them, but I will have to practice to get what I see inside my mind down on canvas. I'm playing with different whites and different blacks, but so far I love mars black the most. I need to move some work to buy the canvases I want built.

Alone in here the train rolls by and the sun warms me through the loading door. The chill is leaving the plank floor and the bricks are ochre earth tones from the light coming in. There's Howlin Wolf on the speakers and a cigar beside me and this year ebbs into another. I moved in to this studio in January 2008, and I sat in the loading doorway and wrote in my sketchbook that I was home. Despite the issues, I love this space and I've never felt more at home or more productive in a working space. I experience the same joy every time I walk through the door.

Within the next few weeks I will build some new painting walls, a horizontal painting surface and do some much-needed cleaning to get ready for the large work. Housekeeping yes, but necessary to be able to stay focused. The winter will set in, but so be it.

the divine unrest

too many old fashion's tonight and my thoughts are distant and yet centered. over many drinks I once asked the painter Mark Zimmermann, "where are the heroic paintings?" An accusation directed at self more than an indictment on the "art/Art world" but no less so I suppose. Where indeed?

I walked into the studio today, the big black painting surface-dry, the smaller ones still wet to the touch. The time makes me think. The necessary pause, the Waiting in a Tom Petty reference makes one..or provides one the opportunity to ponder.

This stroke.

Line, form, drip, intent on surface. What is this? Affirmation, yes. Given. but and yet, humanity, something sacred long passed over. hand. human hand on surface. shamanism. the job of the artist is to bring it back; to go and to bring it back for the tribe (the willing) to experience. We live on the outskirts. you must seek us. this is not new or novel or modern. this is primal. art is primal. pigment. alchemy. life. god. spirituality. truth...if we're lucky.

we must paint. no rational. no over-arching idea, concept; conceptualism makes me want to take up arms and I have held them, fired them and I know, i want to take up arms. AK-47 in a Minnesota basement, but I've told you that story....now, now I bring bombs and those bombs are visual, some would say aesthetic. my work; I come by the sword. I live by the sword.

There is no rest for the artist. The Divine Unrest, as Martha Graham put it. Always anew, always an undiscovered country. We push because to stand still is to die. If there is anything worthwhile in my work, let it be that when people see it they step outside of themselves for a moment in time and perceive in a new way.

Tomorrow will begin with a pediatrician visit and a choreographer sleeping in our home. I will paint. I will lay it down and bring it. I will buy a ticket to NYC and I will stand a breath's distance from de Kooning and perhaps I will drink heroically with formidable painters and smoke a cigar on the water. It begins.

black december

There are a handful of great American cities; world class places unique and irreplaceable as they are authentic. They can be counted on one hand, -maybe two. The Holy City made its way onto my list this week and into my heart as well. Lots to think about over the break.

Now it's back to work. Everything is wet. Put another coat on the study-sized canvases and just sat and contemplated the larger black one tonight; cigar and Donald Byrd and me and the rain and timelessness of it all. Hundreds of years we've been doing this thing called painting, and sometimes (perhaps unfortunately) called Art. There's a loss of self, but there is also the absolute presence of being, -one is never more present than when one is lost in activity. The rain and heat are retarding the drying more than anticipated. The cold air tends to dry it out more quickly, but now that the humidity has gotten in under the wet paint...we wait.

Mother-in-Law in town and so there's opportunity to get in here and not be missed. Me and jazz and stillness of black.

We spoke of Turkey the past few days. Walking across the street as they fired up the wood stove and we waited for the fresh coffee so unique and splendid as the call to prayer crackled over the bullhorns atop the mosques. Narrow sidewalks and bustle/anywhere-in-the-world-ness of all big cities but then the strange, other-ness of it all as well. Hagia Sophia; there I was standing in one of my damned art history books and it was even more of everything. Then on the Bosphorus in the Modern and seeing the post-war abstraction re-interpreted through another culture's lens. I remember it changed me, the best compliment I can give a place I guess...depending on the change.

Rain on the tin roof deafening tonight.

This work wants to see the world too. It needs to get out of here, I know that. Travel, make people understand, use the narrative of my life and this place and the sublime absurdity of it all. It's more singular than I realize, all of it. Probably better than I give myself credit for too in my humble or insecure moments.

and I feel as though I was born in the backseat of a car and never stopped moving; i can never stop moving; far from home.

scent

Mars black. Damn.

Walked into the studio last night and the smell of it hit me, -each color is specific to the nose. Looking at this big, black, flat surface...it does something, there's a world inside. Oddly, the dreams continue; I'm pouring and staining in the white and it undulates and bleeds and curls and pools.

authenticity

Day 1:

Started 6 studies with a ground of chromatic black and a hint of prussian blue. Black. All that comes with it too. In oil it is one of the most challenging of pigments to have in play. Given the pre-21st century nature of my studio (unheated, uncooled) there will be challenges.

There's a large canvas I brought out and dusted off and we'll see how the week ahead looks.

A friend said of the previously-posted studies, "they look old, like from the late 40's or 50's." so be it, i own it, let's move on and see what happens. these are for me, eventual canvases too big to sell now anyway. it's about authenticity, doing what is honestly within and doing it service and honor.

off to charleston next week for the night, a belated anniversary celebration. good food, drink, walking, away. looking forward to the warm week ahead and time with the girls as they reach christmas frenzy. life it good.

blacks

My paints and medium were damaged in route and so I'm on hold for now. Not much to say, I'm waiting and I'm ready to lay down paint and held off placing an order for the large canvases until the new year. I was playing with ratios in my journal and am now thinking of a 90" x 66" canvas, essentially expanding 6" in each direction. Also still considering 84" x 72" but I will have to work on some studies to see how it plays out with less vertical thrust.

Either way, it looks like I'm going to be building some new walls in the studio.

Also really amped to play with the blacks and whites. Thinking about the black ground differently than i was before; previously had thought about getting a spray shop to lay that down, now I'm digging the painterliness of working that large by hand and all that comes with it. these pictures are going to take ages to dry! but that's what makes the white do its thing so delightfully as it seeps and stains and expands itself into and on top of the blackness. thinking about Caravaggio of course, those abyssal black spaces that careen into holy oblivion. thinking also about that Goya in the National and the flake white that is so transcendent and living.

(Movable walls?)

reading lots of ee cummings for no reason at all but then again for letting go....

No travels in January, having to wait until Feb and then see what's happening and pick a coast and jet. Auto plane tickets and monthly gallery hopping, studio visiting, painter talking...at times heroic. Got invited by a friend to hang in the studio while they make their record and looking forward to that. So different and then also the same.