My 3-week solo parenting adventure officially ended last night. Of this time with my daughters I can only say that I am filled with tremendous gratitude and have been given life-altering focus from the experience. I've lived a life I have only dreamed of heretofore; that of being a stay-at-home dad. Being free from a desk and an office for most of a month has made me see the reality of my current situation with new eyes. It's given me new perspective on my art career and what needs to be done there. It is a time I will always remember and cherish, and I hope that my daughters remember it as well; I hope parts of the last 3 weeks will become ingrained in their consciousness -even if they don't remember it clearly.
I look forward to a week in the studio catching up. Incredibly, I've accomplished a respectable amount of things. I've gotten 3 coats of gesso on the canvas, as well as building it and sizing it. I figured out the technique I want to use to translate the small gestures into large ones. In the process of this journey I happened upon something truly new and I can't wait to see it manifested.
Summer has arrived with her usual vengeance, it was in the mid to high 90's in there this morning. Interestingly (at least to me) the acrylic gesso dries almost instantly in these conditions, while I'm used to oil paint staying wet for days. I've got sanding and then another layer of gesso and then at least three layers of alkyd to apply before it sees paint. I am still surprised at the size of this canvas.
I want to post pictures but they don't offer anything interesting at the moment to anyone but me.
There will be late nights, and undoubtedly reflection on the process as I go forward. Cigars and night caps, and this massive work will come to life slowly.
knowing why
I've written my share of artist's statements as well as read many others. With few exceptions (including my own) these are often painful and uncomfortable things to read. They are either nonsensical, pretentious, arrogant or hopelessly naive; the worst are trite banalities about feeling. What an odd and ridiculous thing to force someone who has chosen to express themselves visually to attempt to explain themselves in writing.
Yet, the larger purpose of these things cannot be overstated; know why it is that you do what you do. Why do you paint with acrylics? Why do you collage? How does your work fit into the historical and cultural strains in which you have been born and raised? What is important enough to you that you feel compelled (against the better judgement of friends, family and lovers) to dedicate your time, energy and money to this expression? What is it, exactly, that you hope to achieve?
I think we should ask ourselves these questions as artists; and I think we should ask them frequently. The answers can be simple (at least in simple language) but they must be authentic. Art without integrity (notice I didn't say Integrity) will always be empty. One has to apprehend that sense of what purpose it serves, -even in their own lives alone. I know the answer isn't the same for everybody; that's not the point. But the difference between art students, crafters and professionals is that the latter should no longer do things simply because they are provocative or edgy or "now" without having something else behind it.
I think that's how you survive and eventually thrive. You figure out what's interesting and why, and how you think you can do it and what materials speak to you and you do that and you find out everything about how to do it and when that thing/idea/style becomes interesting to a larger audience you are already doing it and doing with absolute authenticity and integrity and the come-latelys can't hope to compete against that truth.
Maybe, maybe not.
Yet, the larger purpose of these things cannot be overstated; know why it is that you do what you do. Why do you paint with acrylics? Why do you collage? How does your work fit into the historical and cultural strains in which you have been born and raised? What is important enough to you that you feel compelled (against the better judgement of friends, family and lovers) to dedicate your time, energy and money to this expression? What is it, exactly, that you hope to achieve?
I think we should ask ourselves these questions as artists; and I think we should ask them frequently. The answers can be simple (at least in simple language) but they must be authentic. Art without integrity (notice I didn't say Integrity) will always be empty. One has to apprehend that sense of what purpose it serves, -even in their own lives alone. I know the answer isn't the same for everybody; that's not the point. But the difference between art students, crafters and professionals is that the latter should no longer do things simply because they are provocative or edgy or "now" without having something else behind it.
I think that's how you survive and eventually thrive. You figure out what's interesting and why, and how you think you can do it and what materials speak to you and you do that and you find out everything about how to do it and when that thing/idea/style becomes interesting to a larger audience you are already doing it and doing with absolute authenticity and integrity and the come-latelys can't hope to compete against that truth.
Maybe, maybe not.
day 1: again
I had a professor friend who taught me the "old ways," and to this day I prefer them. There is nothing like stretching your own canvas, the smell of rabbit skin glue wafting through the studio and bloody, scraped knuckles and sweat. Knowing that I'm building just like the altiers of old gives me sense of connection to heritage. I don't have to do this; I could buy ready-made cavases. But there's something about doing it, it's a journey. Going large is like an epic wrestling match; the challenges are myriad. But when you get it right, when you hear that taut drum hum of the surface as you flick it, -it's a pleasure all to its own.
It was 93 degrees in the studio today as I pulled and stretched and stapled. I was dripping when I left, but when I look at that big, blank canvas I feel true joy because I know that over the course of five months I have brought a picture from my mind's eye into physical being. This work was always this size; it simply took me this time to get there.
I'll size this canvas in the next day or two and then I'll start applying black gesso. It has begun. It has begun.
renewed
Week # 1 of solo parenting is winding down, and it is amazing. I have not been as happy as I have been over the past week in ten years. The combination of spending most of the day with my daughters and not being chained to a desk in a windowless office has awakened something in my consciousness that I realize has been dormant for a long time. I feel a renewed sense of life purpose.
Tonight I have a sitter and at last will be able to get into the studio to begin the grand canvases. I've painted them in my mind for weeks now, and I can't wait to bring that vision to life. I have been thinking a great deal about authenticity in art. I remember the first time I heard a Lenny Kravitz record; how I thought to myself that it sounded like it was recorded during the time of his obvious influences and yet was so fresh at the same time. It's like if you could transport him back in time, he would be immediately accepted by those he most admired as both a peer and a pioneer. When I think about painting, I have always and only ever been concerned with greatness. I do not hide my influences; I celebrate them. It is my dream to one day hang in the same room as a Rothko and for people to see it and say, "yeah, that works." I have never hid my passion for the sublime in art. My paintings are imbued with a sense of the mystical and primal. I'm concerned about the primordial energies of the universe, and I want my work to be a gateway to those energies for the people that see and experience it.
I unpacked the stretcher bars earlier in the week and they are things of beauty. This is going to be a blast.
Tonight I have a sitter and at last will be able to get into the studio to begin the grand canvases. I've painted them in my mind for weeks now, and I can't wait to bring that vision to life. I have been thinking a great deal about authenticity in art. I remember the first time I heard a Lenny Kravitz record; how I thought to myself that it sounded like it was recorded during the time of his obvious influences and yet was so fresh at the same time. It's like if you could transport him back in time, he would be immediately accepted by those he most admired as both a peer and a pioneer. When I think about painting, I have always and only ever been concerned with greatness. I do not hide my influences; I celebrate them. It is my dream to one day hang in the same room as a Rothko and for people to see it and say, "yeah, that works." I have never hid my passion for the sublime in art. My paintings are imbued with a sense of the mystical and primal. I'm concerned about the primordial energies of the universe, and I want my work to be a gateway to those energies for the people that see and experience it.
I unpacked the stretcher bars earlier in the week and they are things of beauty. This is going to be a blast.
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