Leaving the Corner Office

Today is my last day at the job I've had for the last 5 years. Tomorrow I start a new job, two blocks from the studio. There is the widely-held illusion that "successful" artists don't have day jobs, but all the one's I know do. It may not be working for someone else, they may lecture, write, do workshops or something like that, but those things certainly constitute a large portion of their lives spent doing something else for money.

We all find what we can do, and we make time for our real work because that is what gives our lives meaning. I feel very fortunate to have found another job in this economy.

In truth, I love change. I thrive on it. So I'm in arguably the healthiest place I've been in a long time. The studio work is flowing, though I am largely ambivalent about it still.

The current office is now emptied of any presence I had here. It looked much better with my large painting and favorite potted plant here. Raise a glass to new beginnings.

(click any image to enlarge)

i'm enjoying the tape on these paintings. something works about it. i am tempted to leave it, and to let it become part of the whole. i'm not interested in illusion, -my paintings are things, physical objects made by human hands and force of will, and sometimes little else of consequence. something about the tape left on is interesting to me...it makes the painting an artifact.

The heat index is 108 degrees as I write this. It's around 95 or so in the shade. It's only June. Dear god.

I tweeted last night that I am struggling with the new work and feel like a sham. The only clear choice is keep making it. That's what I do, I just keep going. Long after all the evidence has been presented as to how futile this pursuit truly is, I keep going. I honestly don't even know why anymore.

I can say it's not mere habit or routine. I go to great lengths and overcome much just to keep doing this. On some fundamental level, I really mean to do it, -there's real intent at work. Sometimes the futility gets to me. Everybody has their days I suppose.

Two weeks from today I start a new day job, and I'm incredibly thankful for this. My current situation has been deteriorating for the past year and intensely so for the past 6 months. It's the internet, so I'll leave it at that. The change is a positive one, and I'm excited. It is a modest change but enough to keep the studio should I decide to go that route next year.

More images next week. All these current paintings have so much paint on them now that I can no longer tell which was which, or what pictures I've posted. Of note is that the only vertical one suddenly became very Forest and Sea-like. Just sort of became it, and I still don't know what to make of that. I'm enjoying moving the paint around, piling it up and scraping it off. I wish I made slick, pretty paintings sometimes, but it just won't come. To me, there is always an underlying brutality and barbarism to them...but maybe I'm just seeing myself. I've been parading around as a normal person for so long now I even believe it myself sometimes. To change now just seems vain and hypocritical. Funny how we attach ourselves to our sense of self and to that facade of personality that it has taken us a lifetime to erect.

These are sequential shots of one painting. I have 7 paintings going at the moment, and I know the way I've been posting lately has probably been a bit confusing. Hopefully this illuminates the process a bit. My goal is 20 to 25 paintings this summer, all this same size and variations of the same method. There is a lot of wet on wet technique and they are taking a long time to dry in between layers, but I am loving the depth. I hope to update the gallery on my website some time in August if I can keep up this pace.

This is for Aaron. In many ways, this series of photos is what this blog is about, process. What I love about my painting wall is that it has the human presence; that palpable evidence of touch. Believe me, I've often stood back and thought my walls were as good if not better than anything I've painted. I'm not sure what to do with that, but I offer it you now....



And one final image of a work in progress. This is actually the first painting you see in the previous post. I'm going to post some sequential shots of some work I started last night.