scrap

I took a utility knife to two 6' x 6' canvases tonight, destroying 3 months worth of work.  I have no problem admitting failure, nor do I fear it.  Failure teaches.  Coming out of it, I skinned both frames with new canvas and skinned two additional.  I've got sizing on everything and it's all drying.

There's a seduction to destroying one's own work; especially when it hasn't been seen.  The world will never know.  Some aspects of my process are secret, and I've learned to keep them that way.  There may come a day when someone wants access, but for now, I'm free to do as I please.

I solved the problems, and I've addressed the failures and the dramatic use of a knife was to ensure that I wouldn't flinch.  I had to burn my ships at the shore.  I know where I'm going now, I can see the way.  There's this moment  before another leap when I feel all alive and tingly and short of breath.  That's when I know it's really something.  I've never seen work like this before.  

I'm halfway through my day job break.  I accidentally read a calendar entry from work yesterday and it took all my facilities to push it back out of my consciousness.  This year has an exit strategy; a line in the sand.

Interestingly, I'll have four canvases in essentially the same stage of development.  I see the attack.  I know how I'm going to approach them, but the next few weeks are all surface prep.  I have 10 small (10" x 10") canvases coming this week to work out the process on.  I'll show them to the Greenville dealer if they are any good, but for now they are tools.  I'm not feeling poetic tonight.  I'm in a place of uncertainty and I'm anxious to see how this all goes down.

The year unwinds.  This is my favorite time of the year, the space between christmas and new year's.  The world seems slow and optimistic.  I haven't a clue what is going on in the world, or at the day job, or politically or anything else.  I'll paint, I'll spend time with friends and I'll find a way to make this space expand into months instead of weeks.

The SAM show is on the horizon now.  No word on the opening date, but likely the 16th or 23rd of January.  I hope it goes well, and I hope it's well-received.