the winter

i was recently denied another juried exhibition. par for the course to some degree. i thought i had selected every factor carefully, but in the end i did not make the cut. correction: my work did not make the cut.

i am feeling horribly adrift at the moment. my wife's job is tenuous as academia continues to turn away (and cut) the Arts. we dodged the bullet last year, but we both fear that the budgetary and cultural gun is still fully-loaded. the pressures of this and kids force me to reconsider my life's trajectory almost constantly. i've been hammering away at this art thing for two decades with only limited success and no representation. there comes a point where the resources (financially, emotionally, and spiritually) become too thin. sustainability is in question.

location is undeniably a factor, but since my location is not likely to change in the immediate future I must accept this factor as a significant impediment to any success. my work is not appreciated in this region, and that seems unlikely to change.

i'm also at odds with what i see when i look at the galleries/art world in that it seems another wave of conceptualism is in full force. i call it "idea art" and the term is derisive. complex ideas manifested into soulless, sterile art school art. with the death of Don Cornelis yesterday I'm thinking a lot about soul, and that is something i feel my work has always had.

i believe in outdated notions like the Sublime, the life force within art and the role of the artist as shaman/spiritual guide. social commentary is always a part of my work, but it is never at the forefront or obvious. i was punk once, when i was a teenager and having lived through that movement i don't see the merit in re-living it. the NYC of the Mud Club era no longer exists. it is a city that will, in my lifetime, have no poor people in it.

all this can come across as sour grapes and it isn't so. the conflict (and anger and frustration and hopelessness) are internal. they are issues within, not without. i will always paint, but increasingly i find that i no longer have the energy to attempt disseminating it to an audience that could care less. i don't even know where to begin any more.

my travels are on hold as my finances stabilize and we as a family look ahead to the next round of budget cuts by the College.