divergence

when we are tired we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago

96" x 72", oil on canvas, Rico '14

The journey of my life has been ever towards my true self.  It is a narrative steeped in adventure, disappointment, luck and struggle.  Some will tell you that I've been through a lot, but I tend not to focus on hard times.  I do not allow those moments to define me; the moments when I get back up and fight on are what define me instead.  

For me, painting is about finding my voice.  I don't think I've ever consciously attempted to make something new that's never been seen before.  I've painted the way that interested me, and sometimes I've painted in the style of artists whom I admire for a time to learn about their process and materials. As I became more passionate about painting and as I've painted more and more paintings, I have moved toward a greater authenticity.  As I have concerned myself less with content and narrative, the work has become (at times) more about story in a mythical sense.

I think the world (and the art world in particular) needs mystics.  We need less religion and a deeper communion with the divine.  We need to look up into the stars and clouds and feel our connection to the most majestic things and in that moment understand our own majestic humanity.  If we can recognize it in ourselves we can hopefully begin to recognize it in others.  Rare is the person who is killed for claiming s/he is a god.  Common are those who are slaughtered for suggesting that we all are.  

The past year has been one of profound existential struggle for me.  I've wrestled with doubt and discouragement and even enduring, acute despair.  Last Fall I was questioning everything and wondering if I could go on.  Now I stand on the threshold of my next great adventure.  

As I find my own clear and unique artistic voice, I find that the world around me looks and feels different.  I interact with people differently than I have before.  My day job has been a hard row to plow more often than not, but it has given me the opportunity to develop a personal resilience and fortitude in the face of harshness and alienation that I did not know I possessed.  In my work environment, I am a unique mind and personality.  There are no other artists, no divergent thinkers.

When we see life as a grand journey, I believe we are richer.  I am surrounded by young students who see everything as a means to an end, and I am deeply saddened by the seemingly one-dimensional existence they are resigning themselves to.  There's a joy and wonder in getting lost; there is an inexplicable freedom in not knowing what is coming next in life.  I've lived on that edge for a long, long time and I can't imagine living any other way.  I will never do just one thing.  Life offers too many rich and exciting opportunities and there is so much to know and to experience.  Choosing to live outside of our comfort zone is one of the most powerful life choices we can make.  The rewards are boundless.  Yes, there is struggle and pain.  But those things come our way anyway.

This painting has taken months and taken a lot out of me.  I struggled and struggled with it over the past several weeks; taking entire sections out, reworking them, putting them back in.  How do I know when a painting is done?  I think it let's me know.