studio wall, August 24
untitled paintings in progress, 30" x 24" (each), Rico '14
Stolen hours Sunday morning, a host of smaller canvases in play. Despite the intensity of the road ahead, I keep reminding myself of the days and nights I've left behind. Those days began as these, before the dawn hours. Then an intense office job all day, a workout mid-day, home to homework/dinner/bedtime routine until 8 or so and then off to the studio until the final hours of each day. So as overwhelming as it all seems in its newness, I've handled greater.
I am liking these small 30 by 24 canvases. They are big enough to work with and yet small enough to be portable and (perhaps as important) shippable. The doubts and agony of my last post are, -at least for the moment, fading. I must preserver and stay in it. I have to find the time. I know now that I will.
My upcoming plans for NYC are canceled. I had hoped to attend a friends solo show just north of the city, but I would sabotage myself on many levels if I made the trip now. As much as I need to see those friends, and as much as I need the encouragement I feel in seeing said friends getting shows and the accolades they deserve, I must respect the path I am on and its limitations. Such is life, we can't have everything we want.
By the end of this month I should have a handle on my schedule and what hours are available for studio time. For now I do as I have always done, I make time; stealing it if I have too, making the most of the unplanned interval, I have come to understand that it is about what I do and not how much or how often. If the time is fruitful, that's all that matters.
Self forgiveness is my daily practice as of late. I'm a person with enormous personal expectations and it is difficult to let myself off the hook when I don't meet them. Today, at least, it felt as though I did.
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