A short session tonight. I had one of those momentary failures as a parent tonight, as a dad, and I'm sick with sorrow. I realized that the journey of understanding how to deal with one of my daughter's iron will is also and equally the journey I must take to deal with my own. It can be a strength; I would not be doing the work I'm doing without it. But it can also bring years of unnecessary strife and problems, and I hope to spare her only the unnecessary pains. In the end I realize that I cannot do this, and that my purpose is to pick her up and hug her when she falls and let her know all the remaining days of my life that I love her, and that my love is unshakable and constant.
Work, as in the day job, is incredibly stressful right now. Like so many, I am paid virtually nothing for doing the work of 3 people. I am disposable, I am overworked, and try as I might not to bring it home there are times when it slips under the door. But I walked here tonight. I made myself come because I know this is the reason for all of that. May I never lose sight of the significance of family and art. If I did this for money, I would have quit a decade ago. I've started something this summer that must see its natural life cycle, and where ever that may or may not take me as a consequence is immaterial.
Hope to be in better spirits tomorrow night and to begin a few new canvases.
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